Is it so or is it not so?

She sat there, at the corner table of an old restaurant. She appeared to be at ease, tapping on the table with her fingers to the tune of the song on her Zune. She looked as if the Hippie clan had left behind one last descendant; dull, creased dress, non-matching shoes and bag colors, with a whole load of beaded chains around her neck and wrists, her hair all curly and unruly. Yet, she did not attract much attention. She had a kind and gentle aura about her, hiding a fierce and bright confidence. She can easily make people around her feel very comfortable, but if she did not try to make it so, some people have reported to have felt intimidated by her. She would scoff, ‘Intimated? By me? Please! I’m nothing less than a mess’. True to that, right now, she felt her life was bleak; and dreary, quiet like the snow that was pilling up on the walk way. For the extent of her vision, she could see nothing but the white blanket of snow. That was one reason why she always chose that particular table in that restaurant. There was also a reason why she preferred that restaurant. To her, the place of dining should be like another home, warm and comfortable, minus the sham. The restaurant was a bit like her, pleasant and pleasing but somehow lacked enough charm and glamour. She soon got indulged in her usual sort of entertainment- to observe people’s behavior. She read their body language, mannerisms, and made special note of their eyes. Human eye had always held her fantasy. She would proudly proclaim, ‘Face is not the index of the mind. Eyes are. No emotions can escape people’s eyes. If you can spot that, you would know much of everything about that person.’ She scanned the room to spot someone interesting. And she actually spotted someone interesting.

Austin walked into the restaurant tall and handsome. He knew she would prefer nothing but the table overlooking the open grounds and made a request to be seated there. He was told that there was someone already occupying it. He stretched himself up a little bit to see who was there at the table when he spotted her looking at him. He smiled back to the assistant saying, ‘My company is over there’ and joined her at the table. He was surprised to see her there, even before him. She usually arrived right on time and in some cases, right after sometime.

He was about to remark, ‘You are early’ when she asked, ‘What are you doing here’?

He was confused ‘What? I asked you to come here’!

She was too, ‘No you didn’t’.

He, thinking, she was playing him, said, ‘Yes, I did so’ And before she could reply said, ‘Wait a minute. Are you in one of your no mails, no grooming just gloom-ing phase again?’

She replied ‘What if I’m’?

He looked at her a long minute before saying, ‘You are so silly’!

‘I’m not silly’ she said with gritted teeth. ‘Anyway, why did you “want me” to come here?’

‘Nothing! No reason. Just wanted to see…..I mean meet you…’ he blinked.

‘Ok….’ She dragged the ‘k’ prompting him to continue

‘What? Really that’s why I wanted you to come here. It’s been a long time since I saw you and I don’t know I guess I missed you a bit?’ he replied, feeling a bit embarrassed to say it and wishing he had not said it.

She looked at him curiously before saying, ‘Huh? That’s interesting news. When did you become so civilized?’

Feeling relieved that she had not taken his words for their true meaning, smiled heartily saying ‘What are you talking about?’

That’s the one thing he liked in her. Well, if truth be told that was not the only thing he liked in her. He thought, ‘How is she able to do this? She can perfectly tweak an awkward moment, and make it so comfortable no one would even feel a thing’. He adored that ability of her, and used to wish he was more like her. She has been there for him, most of the time and she knew exactly when to listen and when to say words of comfort. He liked that too, about her.

‘What the matter with him, she wondered. She searched his eyes, for an answer to her questions- like she always did. His eyes glittered in the light. Though he always proclaimed his eyes had a multi-colored season dependent radiance, she had always noticed it as hazel hued. That day for the first time she caught the blue glint in his eyes. His eyes were always a source of genuine attraction for her. Personally and privately, she found that to be interesting when compared to the normal black-brown shade of her eyes. His left eye ball was perfected in such a way, the drop of black in the middle slightly spilled over on to the green. Nice and beautiful. Both of them realized at the same moment, that she was still peering at him, so both faked a cough and looked away. Something had changed between them, in that few moments in which they were lost in the other.

To break the silence, he inquired, ‘So, how are you? How have you been?’

She said, not looking at him, ‘I’m the same’ and remained silent, for minute too long.

He said, ‘I’m fine too, thank you for asking’.

She looked up and again got caught in the brilliance of his eyes. He raised his hands and tried to hide his face behind it and said, ‘Stop staring at me’.

She replied, ‘I won’t. It’s the only thing worth noticing in you.’

He retaliated, ‘Ask the countless gals lusting after my sculpted features.’

She mocked him saying, ‘Hm….. suit yourself Mr.Black! And don’t talk about those hallow women you go after, to me’

At that moment a waiter came to take their orders. He whispered, ‘Saved by that man’ and she made a face in response. Things were back to normal again. Everything seemed to be in order. The world was like it used to be. Such was the depth of their friendship. They did not remember when they had actually met, when they made that transition into being friends, and only can guess when they started pulling away from each other, and same went with when and why they got back on track again. ‘Destiny’ was the unanimous justification in both their minds. But by the time the waiter came back with their orders, there prevailed an unsettled, unspoken emotion between, them. Both were engrossed in their own thoughts, indulging only in small pleasantries. Each one realized they felt deeply for each other, cared and loved the other person, for all the time they have known and been together as friends.

It was time to leave. Austin closed the conversations to say good-bye. He was not able to bring himself to say that, for some reason. He was also not sure, if the small rendezvous helped him decide the something on account of which he intended to arrange that meeting. Finally he asked, ‘Can I tell you something about you?’ She merely shook her head, apparently engrossed in some of her private thoughts. So, he simply said, ‘You are like a snowflake, unique and exquisitely beautiful in your own way’ and slightly patted on her hands. She knew for certain, that those words were lift-off from a greeting card, or probably a book he was reading, and he probably did not mean it. But she caught herself delighting in those words. Who would have thought, one could find love on a grey, depressingly cold winter evening. She for one sure did not. They rose to leave together. No one was any wiser of how love has struck once again, and how the future of one unrequited love, that was slowly budding, held days of heart ache and pain. Like the hushed footfalls in the fresh snow, no one knew of it, not even the person who made the impression, and yet there was no denying that an imprint was made.

Austin waved saying, ‘Take care, friend’.

She answered softly, ‘You too Austin’.

He drove away, thinking, ‘Yes. Friend. Most definitely!’

He reminded himself, ‘Cannot afford to lose her, so shelve this whole other angle’.

He adjusted his rear-view mirror, caught a glance of him in that and smiled, ‘My eyes are worth looking at’

Past Carrie

May 8, 1998.

Carrie was carrying Carter's baby. It sounded like a phonetic paradise, an alliteration adminstered. But it was true,too.

She recalled that day, the rain and the London sleet. But it was ten years later, and her memory was playing all sorts of tricks on her.One night, she woke up recollecting a grim,cloudy English afternoon.Today, as she sat next to her husband, she recalled flashes of a brilliant red sky,passionate thunder and overpowering rain.Her mind always led her through myriad paths, and she no longer knew how to tell between the conjured and the concrete.

But, Carrie thought, all these paths with unfailing certainity, always led her to one place. The one vivid memory that stayed on, defying her attempts to erase it,or atleast fudge it. It was almost as if that memory was a defiant Viking warrior,standing astute amidst the chaos, the harder she tried, the more firmly the Viking stood his ground.

It was the thought of her, lying alone on her hospital bed. On the threshold of a marvel, a miracle. Her doctor standing over her, eyebrows raised in deep concern.The images from the ultrasound were hazy and all the swirls made Carrie dizzy. They could not detect the foetal heartbeat. Carrie went into labor three minutes later, to deliver Aaron, her still born son.

For a long time she sat there, all alone.Trying to comprehend the incredible gift of knowing Aaron for nine whole months.She knew him intimately, his sleep cycles, they way he moved in her womb, his kicking.How he slowly grew from a small peanut to engulf her entire being with his mere presence.

One evening

Disclaimer: The conversations, the characters and the locations described in the narrative are fictional and nothing more than an imagination of the author.

“You set to leave?”, he asked, in an a loud, sweet and mock British accent.

“Hmm hmm” she replied, while wrapping up her work for the day.

“But, you have a minute?” he questioned again.

She answered back, “Yea, what is it? Can’t stay long, my ride is almost here. So..”

“Of course! This should take only a minute or two. If you are in a hurry, I will come straight to the point. Not that I always beat around….”

“Hmm yea, I know that” she said, “and is this what you wanted to say to me, in so many words, that you are always to the point?”

He smiled and spoke back, “Say what, I will walk you out” and grabbed her cell-phone and novel she was reading during her lunch hour and started rushing towards the door. She switched off her computer monitor and mechanically announced everyone around ‘Good night’ and followed him through the door.

She thought, “Where is he running to, with my mobile and book”, for he was of a fast walking nature, a concept he was often ridiculed with. Once outside the always lit, always bright work room, she noticed how much cold and dark it was outside, in the real world. She pulled on her shawls more closely to her neck and zipped up her leather jacket. She had never felt adequately warm during winter times. No matter, how many layers she wore, how close to the heating vent she sat, she always felt chill. She was making a mental note to herself that she should remember to get her gloves to work the next day. She thought to herself, that she wouldn’t mind if people made fun of her for wearing a glove just to walk between the office and the parking lot. She felt cold. They were already near the sign-off desk and she noticed that he was entering the time-of-exit against her name. She peered in to look at the status of her colleagues. Some had left as early as early evening. She sighed, thinking why she did not have those privileges, while next to her he stood smiling gently and curiously watching her. She tried to organize her expressions but gave up realizing that it was a tough act at that time of the day. Her personality was that she would never let her façade down when she was at work, fearing that she may let slip something of how she ‘really’ felt about some of the people she work with, in an imprudent moment of tiredness. But she was amazed at how she was able to relax when around him. There was something about him.

“Looks like Boss-Man is still in” she heard him say. She looked up and smiled at him and said, “You know better” and added with a sarcastic intone, “His car is not here, you giving him a ride?” He simply said, “Mmm”. “Anyway”, she continued not noticing a glint of a different emotion cross his face, “did you say you had something to say or ask me?” “Oh, yea, about that, never mind” he said some what abruptly. She looked up, abandoning her search of her pickup car, an activity she was importantly pursuing the moment she stepped out of the passage way gate and asked, “What?”

He said, “The thing is I really want to do something. I really want to do. But I keep postponing it, hoping once I get it over with, I wouldn’t have anything to look forward to. Or it could also be that, the outcome of that thing, if it is in a way that I’m anticipating it to be, it would be very painful for me and I don’t think I could accept it…”

“Then why do you expect it” she murmured, and though he heard it, did not stop to consider it.

He continued, “…I don’t know. I keep thinking about it and now, right at this moment” he pressed his right hand index finger into his left palm and continued, holding his hands that way, “I feel like I should do something about it. Something really compels me”. He stopped short of breath, and they looked into each other’s eyes. She resisted hard the temptation to smile, or blush as her heart promptly reminded her, and which she casually ignored and said, “You think too hard about it” in an accent mocking his.

For that, he pulled his eye lids close, as in an attempt to close the eyes, and stared at her at an angle. She smiled, for his reaction and also for the reason that she saw her husband slowly coming into the driveway, and said, “if I were you, I would hold on to that ‘I feel like I should do something about it’ thought and make some sort of appointment, or something of that sort, I don’t know, from which I cannot back out.’ He looked at her puzzled, as if what she said was incoherent and he couldn’t make a bit of a sense from it.

She pulled open the door, and both gave an involuntary shiver at the sudden gush of cold air and she said, “It’s like making a baby. Making the decision is difficult, but once that’s made, in one way or the other, the baby is coming out. There’s nothing one can do about it.” With that she stepped outside and rushed to the waiting car. Once on the road, she looked back once and waved good-bye and on seeing his stilled puzzled look, thought “Baby? Stupid!” and got in the car and drove away. He was standing there with his index finger pressed inside his left palm and staring at the spot from where she was waving him a moment ago. Slowly he turned and walked inside, smiling genuinely for the first time that evening and thought, “Baby? Stupid!”

And by the time he walked back to his desk, his further course of action very clear to him, as if he had found a note saying exactly what to do. He opened up his Outlook and typed, “I would like to have dinner with you on Friday, this week. Make it a free evening” and clicked Send.